Customer Service?!

A story inspired by Telus Business Internet Services...
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It's frustrating enough when I find myself in a predicament regarding my phone, or cable, or some kind of service.
I always dread the call to the company providing the service, which inevitably goes something like this:

Automated system (girl's voice, soft, clear, excessively slow-speaking... we'll call her Beverly):
Hello. Your call is important to us.
Ziko, under his breath:
Bullshit.
Beverly:
I'm sorry, I did not understand that response. If you are calling about purchasing a new plan, say "New Plan".
[pause]
If you are calling to modify an existi...
Ziko coughs
Beverly:
I'm sorry, I did not understand that response. If you are calling about purchasing a new plan...
Ziko:
aw shit, it started again?
Beverly:
I'm sorry, I did not understand that response. If you are calling about purchas...
Ziko:
No, I DON'T want a new plan. I want someone to fix my plan!
Beverly:
Okay, it looks like you want to start a new plan. I...
Ziko:
NO NO!! CANCEL!!
Beverly:
Okay, let's go back to the main menu. If you are calling about purchasing a new plan, say "New Plan".
[pause]
Ziko holds his breath.
If you are calling to modify an existing account, say "Modify Account."
[pause]
Ziko holds his breath.
If you are calling to do some accounting, say "Accounting."
[pause]
Ziko covers the mic of his phone, and mutters to himself:
How many options are there?!
Beverly:
If you are calling about an issue with your current service, say "My current service sucks and you suck and this system sucks so let me talk to a real person who actually understands what I'm saying".
Ziko snaps out of a daydream.
Beverly:
If you are calling about an issue with your current service, say "Service Issues".
Ziko thinks to himself:
Aha!
and says:
Service Issues!
Beverly:
I'm sorry, your response was not understood. If...
Ziko:
Service!! Issue!!
Beverly:
I'm sorry, your..
Ziko:
AARGGH FUCK YOU!!!
Beverly:
I'm sorr...
Ziko:
Operator!
Beverly:
Okay, it looks like you want to speak to an operator.
[pause]
Ziko thinks to himself:
Finally!!
Beverly:
To speak to an operator about purchasing a new plan, say "New Plan".
[pause]
Ziko:
no no no No NO NOOOO!!!!
Beverly:
I'm sorry, your response was not understood. If you would like to...
A loud BANG shakes the room.
Beverly:
Okay, it sounds like you have committed suicide. If you would like to roam free as a ghost, say "Ghost". If you...