Customer Service?!

A story inspired by Telus Business Internet Services...
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It's frustrating enough when I find myself in a predicament regarding my phone, or cable, or some kind of service.
I always dread the call to the company providing the service, which inevitably goes something like this:

Automated system (girl's voice, soft, clear, excessively slow-speaking... we'll call her Beverly):
Hello. Your call is important to us.
Ziko, under his breath:
Bullshit.
Beverly:
I'm sorry, I did not understand that response. If you are calling about purchasing a new plan, say "New Plan".
[pause]
If you are calling to modify an existi...
Ziko coughs
Beverly:
I'm sorry, I did not understand that response. If you are calling about purchasing a new plan...
Ziko:
aw shit, it started again?
Beverly:
I'm sorry, I did not understand that response. If you are calling about purchas...
Ziko:
No, I DON'T want a new plan. I want someone to fix my plan!
Beverly:
Okay, it looks like you want to start a new plan. I...
Ziko:
NO NO!! CANCEL!!
Beverly:
Okay, let's go back to the main menu. If you are calling about purchasing a new plan, say "New Plan".
[pause]
Ziko holds his breath.
If you are calling to modify an existing account, say "Modify Account."
[pause]
Ziko holds his breath.
If you are calling to do some accounting, say "Accounting."
[pause]
Ziko covers the mic of his phone, and mutters to himself:
How many options are there?!
Beverly:
If you are calling about an issue with your current service, say "My current service sucks and you suck and this system sucks so let me talk to a real person who actually understands what I'm saying".
Ziko snaps out of a daydream.
Beverly:
If you are calling about an issue with your current service, say "Service Issues".
Ziko thinks to himself:
Aha!
and says:
Service Issues!
Beverly:
I'm sorry, your response was not understood. If...
Ziko:
Service!! Issue!!
Beverly:
I'm sorry, your..
Ziko:
AARGGH FUCK YOU!!!
Beverly:
I'm sorr...
Ziko:
Operator!
Beverly:
Okay, it looks like you want to speak to an operator.
[pause]
Ziko thinks to himself:
Finally!!
Beverly:
To speak to an operator about purchasing a new plan, say "New Plan".
[pause]
Ziko:
no no no No NO NOOOO!!!!
Beverly:
I'm sorry, your response was not understood. If you would like to...
A loud BANG shakes the room.
Beverly:
Okay, it sounds like you have committed suicide. If you would like to roam free as a ghost, say "Ghost". If you...

A Full Length

Goal accomplished. Now to make it consistent.

I had set myself a goal about a year back, when I took up swimming again, to do a full length of the underwater breast stroke. Well, finally, this morning, I hit the mark.
Which means:
- Either-
My technique has greatly improved
- or -
I am more fit (including lung capacity)

Actually, I think it's both, considering I have volleyball up to twice a week, Salsa between 3 and 5 times a week, and I attempt to hit the pool every weekday morning.

The search for the motorbike

So I decided some months ago that I would get a motorbike. A cruiser, as I am in it for the enjoyment and not the speed. But I knew nothing about biking and I tend to get myself psyched up for many projects but get lazy and let them fall through.
So I started by reading all kinds of links about first-time biking, bike styles, etc., and even found a sweet link which gives one helluva description of all things biking for the newbie. I'll put the link up as soon as i find it again.
Then I did my research on engines, learned about 4-stroke vs. 2-stroke engines, what "100 cc" means, cylinders, efficiency, the full meal deal.
Subsequently, I started looking at bike makes, models and styles.

Most recently, I visited some motorcycle shops here in calgary (Blackfoot, Walt Healey) and tried sitting on a few bikes to get the feel. I was hooked. I even told my girl I was gonna be cheatin on her with my new love.
So I've signed up for the safety course, and am now in the process of looking for a used bike, and getting insurance quotes. I'm leaning towards the following bikes:
Yamaha V Star 650, Suzuki Boulevard S40 (600 CC single-cylinder... weird, eh?) or S50 (800 CC twin, kida big), Honda Shadow, etc. Essentially, nothing bigger than 800cc, nothing smaller than 600 cc.

If you know something I don't, lemme know!!

Raw, Uncut

Preamble: I wrote this on the back of my resume on the beautiful moonlit evening of August 25, 2004, from the porch of a vila near Diecimo, Italy.
It is far more powerful in ink.
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It is so difficult to love one whom you resent so much. It is yet harder to resent someone whom you love, and have loved, so much. Such is the conundrum that has plagued me these past thirty or so moonlit nights. Why do I count my days so? Perhaps because the moon was the herald of my love. She reveres it so, that no man, or beast, or fauna, could further revel in it's glow. Or perhaps it is that very glow that reminds me of her. If she loves the moon so, then it is she that is my moon. Was my moon. I find myself in err on such matters more oft than I dare admit. Admission. Perhaps this is where I failed. There were numerous times that I was unfair to her, and I find myself pondering this fact more these days. Not that she was without fault, but certainly I had more cruel moments. But not so much that she should gaze another direction with no warning. Twas my lack of admission to the depths of my love for her. Truth be told, they were alien to me. As a rock is thrown into a sea, it observes that the sea is deep. But it is only during its plummet to the seabed that it knows the sea's true depth. So it is with love. But even the depths I was aware of, I dared not show her. For if I expressed it to her, did I not admit it to myself? Am I not a man, who shall endure love and pain alike, within the confines of my soul? Or am I a man, who should bask in the pleasure of sharing my love and pain and partaking in others'? I chose the former. I chose this a long time ago. Occasionally the latter escapes. But primarily, tis the former. And so, perhaps, my undoing was written many more moonlit nights ago than I have recently been plagued. But why does she perturb me so? Has she not already torn me limb from limb that she must douse my wounds in mounds of salt? Why does she claim to love me still? Was her love not a farce that she could so gracefully swing an axe my way? Why does she wish for an encounter? To tease me mercilessly? Or to satisfy an erotic hunger? Is this what I am to her? Or is my bitterness playing on my aching heart? What if it isn't? Am I strong enough to resist? Do I satiate that same thirst within me? Do I stand by morals which at one time proved my integrity? How dare she plague my every waking moment. Why does she? Everywhere I look, love is abundant. It flows around me, and inside me. And so I think of her. Her beauty, unabashed. Her essense, pure. Her touch, soft. Her love... her love, no longer for me. A sullunness creeps in. The shadow of the clouds gathering around the full moon. I would have taken her to the moon. And if that were not possible, the moon to her. I would have upturned a mountain, turning it to a valley, and filled it with water if I had to carry one droplet
[Page 2]
at a time from the ends of the earth. I was a moth, and she, a flame. Through all my endeavours, my goals, my accomplishments, and failures, she stood stolidly by me. Now what have I to live on for? Where to go from here? What good do my accomplishments do when she is not there by my side? To whom do I turn when I falter? I shan't. I can't. I dare not falter. Nay, I must set a goal. For her to regret her decision. I must, nay I shall, set higher goals. And accomplish them. I shall learn trades, master languages. I shall soar to spiritual heights unseen and accomplish immeasurable tangibles. But for what? This is not the key to her heart. This I know. Twas the love I had; have for her. But my time has come and gone. I did not take grasp of hte moment. I shall suffer my entire life from it. I cannot bear the thought of her not with me. And so I must not bear the thought of her. I must fade into a distant, hazy memory of hers, and she of mine. How? I have willed it many times in these past thirty or so moonlit nights. My will is strong. But it cannot break the love I have. And so, I am destined to be plagued for many moonlit nights to come.
If this ever comes into her posession, let it be known to her: there is not a single soul more devout to you. Such is the definition of my name, such is the definition of my being.
[Zahid]

Name that bear!

What is a good name for a teddy bear? How does one decide?
Randomly? I'd pick Omicron.
Is it a physical, visible aspect of the bear? What if it's ugly? Or an emotional attachment to the bear? What if it's from an ex-girlfriend that kicked you in the nuts? Perhaps the symbolism of the bear? What about if it isn't a bear?

Here are some that I've named, helped name, or heard named recently:
- "Lenny" for a lion Update: it is actually "Lenny Ceasarian"
- "Hubert" for a bigger lion (why i ask you, why?!) Update: it is now "Hubert Omicron"
- "Cindy Klassen Part Deux" for an HBC Canada Olympic bear Update: it was "Cindy Klassen Number Deux"
- "Flamer" for a bear bearing a Flames Jersey
- "Angel" for an angel bear

I'm out. My tebby dear is uspide down.